Equanimity tested yesterday as various pains took hold. Did have a rather naive idea that as a boy of the 50’s i’d have some stoical reserve, where’s the morphine?
Had a big cry last night at the end of a weird and wonderful film called Big Fish. Partly because of my current heightened vulnerability but also thinking about my dad, I’ve already lived10 years longer than him. First time I’ve really cried in front of Kate.
When you’ve got a ticket at the entrance to a multi-storey car park don’t then keep it between your lips until you’ve parked, especially if undergoing chemotherapy. I now have a rather sore sore on my lip.
Sorry; yesterday i used the acronym KOKO, pretentious twat. Our current world is overrun with acronyms and me adding to this with a particularly crass one is wrong. Some acronyms are now culturally integral; think BBC, AIDS, they are part of our DNA. But even those that are integral get overused and abused, good example with the MD of Cambian (company who own school i work at) talking about some sort of Cambian DNA – bollocks. Alliteration’s alright though.
After my cry Kate asked me to think of myself after the treatment, she’s right but it’s hard. And as for ‘no pain no gain’!
Thank you for posting comments as the vernacular has it, they give me a big lift. But also they allow a discourse to develop and I’m realising that this is what I want. It can be revealing, insightful, fun and very meaningful for me. So please keep them coming and keep on keeping on.
Love Duncan
duncancer 
Duncan, I am amazed- alongside everyone else, at your ability to write. I mean, I knew you could think and talk but putting it down in written form is another skill altogether!! I hope I did not encourage you to go into a career in teaching when all along you could have been writing for a living. I can hear your voice as I read it. In fact I also have a mental picture of you writing in in the middle of the night when the house is quiet. It is a privilege to share in your thoughts. Will be checking in everyday xxx
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I am with you on the Big Fish thing. It’s in my top four of all time list (along with Pan’s Labyrinth, Jean de Florette and On the Waterfront). Its made me cry several times – unrequited paternal relationships in my case. Now I come to think of it, On the Waterfront has sibling guilt as a sub-theme……. And Jean de Florette, where do I start?
Have you come across the current obsession the NHS has with the word ‘protocol’? Up here, according to my mate Bob, if you suggest anything that you think might ease your discomfort or inconvenience they just say “It’s not the accepted protocol”. I think the translation is “Tough buns, friend! Distant people who you will never know have decided that your idea is WAY too expensive/ uncomfortable/ inconvenient to US.” They are trained to sail off with an enigmatic smile on their face after saying the protocol word. I still reckon, on balance, they (doctors) are a good thing – as evidenced by the large amounts of money they seem to accumulate in spite of not working weekends! Of course, I soon as I really need one in anger, I will love them all to bits and march on Downing Street to campaign for them to get shed loads more money….
Pip pip …. look after your lip.
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