Hopefully the title won’t put off or piss off too many of you and those who persist will hopefully get it (not sure I do yet!).
Took a load of steroids yesterday in preparation for today’s session of chemo and I’m now sat in the chemo bar being pumped full of all sorts of stuff: as well as a chemo cocktail I have more steroids, frequent saline rinses and a powerful diuretic which makes me urinate an inordinate amount. The steroids seem to have the most effect on me: had no sleep last night and feel ‘wired’ as they, who they? say. But on the bright side all the thoughts racing through my fevered brain feed this load of bollocks I write.
Oncology and ontology, 2 words separated by 1 letter, any connection? Not really but I will be laying claim to being an oncology ontologist, now that’s esoteric, more about esoteric later.
Had a great conversation with Mark B (also with my brother Marks S last night, of this also more later) and he brought up a very interesting topic which I’ll attempt to give iterative justice to. Mark (B) said that he thinks there is an elephant in the room of this blog in that not many people are commenting on what is actually happening to me cancer and treatment wise. Having thought about this he thinks there is an element of vicariousness for friends of our age (and apologies to such as Sue and any others who have experienced similar) in that they are getting a second hand rendition of what it’s like to go through such a cancerous experience. Intimating that I’m some sort of pioneer for my mates giving them some idea of what they might face one day, hopefully not too soon. And this somehow makes it difficult for people to write about it. Hadn’t thought of this and I have sympathy with it, what do others think? This is an invitation to comment if you can be arsed.
Hey Steve, promotion for City this season? Prod.
Mark was also impressed by my phone upgrade, still an old style Nokia but it has an FM radio, neat eh? just listening to Blinded by the Light, Manfred Mann version.
Also Mark, and others who may be interested, have you heard of or read stuff by Herbert Simon? Ha Joon Chang (ref. 22 Things They Don’t Tell You About Capitalism) reckons he was the last new renaissance economist, by which I take to being some sort of polymath (defn. ‘Someone who has an interest in everything and nothing else’). One of his theories was/is that stuff, including economic stuff, is too complex for even our incredible brains to fully understand with, for example, too many variables and unforeseen futures. Those such as Keynes recognised that there are always future unpredictable risks. Somewhat incredibly he, Chang, makes a link with that comment by Rumsfeld which was derided at the time: ‘there are known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns’ which actually sort of sums up what Simon theorised.
I think this links with my first rant of the day. Den sent an email yesterday highlighting twat Cameron’s latest proposals on policing the internet, worryingly added to the list of potential terrorism and trolls is anything to do with smoking, drugs and anything that is esoteric. Check link:http://wakeup-world.com/2013/10/22/uk-ban-on-esoteric-websites-will-limit-fr
Shit, if they read this I might be esoterically banged up!
Tories rant: Freud’s bollocks about paying disabled people less, (I’m technically classed as disabled now) and I know he was trying to highlight ‘lower functioning disabled’ for want of a better term, but he used the term ‘stock’ to refer to people. Use of language in this way, and there are many other examples, must be challenged as the tone follows the Tory theme of hammering the poor, female, disabled, and most others except for the rich and older folk.
For many years I’ve employed a simple paradigm to make some sense of the world and I use Brave New World and 1984 to reflect current life. In the Bliar years I tended to Brave New World with Bliar’s verbal emollience and people getting a little extra money to spend on various opiates such as cheap booze and Sky. Although twat Cameron attempted to emulate Bliar the mask has slipped long ago and the Tory boot stamping on the faces of most of us is increasingly evident. Steve Bell reflects this; look at the way he gives Bliar a mad spiritual look and Osborne the aggressive, ugly bondage look. Also check out Naomi Klein’s theory about neoliberal’s Shock Doctrine, I think it explains much of the Tory approach. And after twat Cameron there’s a serious danger of having that other Buller Bully the wannabe Greek god de Pfeffel twatface Johnson (David Hart reckons he’ll be the last pm). Remember get your pitchforks from me, I‘m going be rich in the new order.
Finally, at bleedin’ last some of you might be thinking if you’ve made it this far, so stop your self-deprecating shit Duncan, don’t you realise people are tiring of this. My brother Mark had a serious heart attack 14 years ago and he was telling me that it took him 7 years before he was able to accept that his and his family’s life had irrevocably changed from their pre-heart attack life. Things like this are really life changing and the sooner you realise, accept and somehow embrace the new life the better for all. Anger and rage are destructive forces, although acceptable of course for the Tories and the grinning gargoyle (Mike Reid has already removed that dreadful UKIP calypso, result); I know it’s still early days for me, Kate, family and friends but I am trying to embrace this new life. This blog is helping me and I embrace all your comments.
With tears in my eyes keep on keeping, love Duncan.