Esoteric Vicariousness

Hopefully the title won’t put off or piss off too many of you and those who persist will hopefully get it (not sure I do yet!).
Took a load of steroids yesterday in preparation for today’s session of chemo and I’m now sat in the chemo bar being pumped full of all sorts of stuff: as well as a chemo cocktail I have more steroids, frequent saline rinses and a powerful diuretic which makes me urinate an inordinate amount. The steroids seem to have the most effect on me: had no sleep last night and feel ‘wired’ as they, who they? say. But on the bright side all the thoughts racing through my fevered brain feed this load of bollocks I write.
Oncology and ontology, 2 words separated by 1 letter, any connection? Not really but I will be laying claim to being an oncology ontologist, now that’s esoteric, more about esoteric later.
Had a great conversation with Mark B (also with my brother Marks S last night, of this also more later) and he brought up a very interesting topic which I’ll attempt to give iterative justice to. Mark (B) said that he thinks there is an elephant in the room of this blog in that not many people are commenting on what is actually happening to me cancer and treatment wise. Having thought about this he thinks there is an element of vicariousness for friends of our age (and apologies to such as Sue and any others who have experienced similar) in that they are getting a second hand rendition of what it’s like to go through such a cancerous experience. Intimating that I’m some sort of pioneer for my mates giving them some idea of what they might face one day, hopefully not too soon. And this somehow makes it difficult for people to write about it. Hadn’t thought of this and I have sympathy with it, what do others think? This is an invitation to comment if you can be arsed.
Hey Steve, promotion for City this season? Prod.
Mark was also impressed by my phone upgrade, still an old style Nokia but it has an FM radio, neat eh? just listening to Blinded by the Light, Manfred Mann version.
Also Mark, and others who may be interested, have you heard of or read stuff by Herbert Simon? Ha Joon Chang (ref. 22 Things They Don’t Tell You About Capitalism) reckons he was the last new renaissance economist, by which I take to being some sort of polymath (defn. ‘Someone who has an interest in everything and nothing else’). One of his theories was/is that stuff, including economic stuff, is too complex for even our incredible brains to fully understand with, for example, too many variables and unforeseen futures. Those such as Keynes recognised that there are always future unpredictable risks. Somewhat incredibly he, Chang, makes a link with that comment by Rumsfeld which was derided at the time: ‘there are known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns’ which actually sort of sums up what Simon theorised.
I think this links with my first rant of the day. Den sent an email yesterday highlighting twat Cameron’s latest proposals on policing the internet, worryingly added to the list of potential terrorism and trolls is anything to do with smoking, drugs and anything that is esoteric. Check link:
Shit, if they read this I might be esoterically banged up!
Tories rant: Freud’s bollocks about paying disabled people less, (I’m technically classed as disabled now) and I know he was trying to highlight ‘lower functioning disabled’ for want of a better term, but he used the term ‘stock’ to refer to people. Use of language in this way, and there are many other examples, must be challenged as the tone follows the Tory theme of hammering the poor, female, disabled, and most others except for the rich and older folk.

For many years I’ve employed a simple paradigm to make some sense of the world and I use Brave New World and 1984 to reflect current life. In the Bliar years I tended to Brave New World with Bliar’s verbal emollience and people getting a little extra money to spend on various opiates such as cheap booze and Sky. Although twat Cameron attempted to emulate Bliar the mask has slipped long ago and the Tory boot stamping on the faces of most of us is increasingly evident. Steve Bell reflects this; look at the way he gives Bliar a mad spiritual look and Osborne the aggressive, ugly bondage look. Also check out Naomi Klein’s theory about neoliberal’s Shock Doctrine, I think it explains much of the Tory approach. And after twat Cameron there’s a serious danger of having that other Buller Bully the wannabe Greek god de Pfeffel twatface Johnson (David Hart reckons he’ll be the last pm). Remember get your pitchforks from me, I‘m going be rich in the new order.
Finally, at bleedin’ last some of you might be thinking if you’ve made it this far, so stop your self-deprecating shit Duncan, don’t you realise people are tiring of this. My brother Mark had a serious heart attack 14 years ago and he was telling me that it took him 7 years before he was able to accept that his and his family’s life had irrevocably changed from their pre-heart attack life. Things like this are really life changing and the sooner you realise, accept and somehow embrace the new life the better for all. Anger and rage are destructive forces, although acceptable of course for the Tories and the grinning gargoyle (Mike Reid has already removed that dreadful UKIP calypso, result); I know it’s still early days for me, Kate, family and friends but I am trying to embrace this new life. This blog is helping me and I embrace all your comments.
With tears in my eyes keep on keeping, love Duncan.


7 thoughts on “Esoteric Vicariousness

  1. Hi Duncan,
    I hope that the chemobar cocktails don’t give you too much of a hangover! Keep up the interesting medical/psychological commentary, we vicars are most curious.

    And now politics; you may expect me to have strong opinions on the stuff, wave the odd banner, em-passion our dear flock of offspring to march and protest. Alan, no, no such vigor and vim here. But why? The youth of today appear not to care a fig about politics. Curious, I have asked about a bit. The young are wise, unfettered by autodidactism and cynicism, they exist in a state of educational purity (or vacuum), either way politics does not feature because they see the ‘players’ as irrelevant.

    At this point I shall call upon a thought experiment. Let us suppose, plausibly, Davy Cameroon decides to shut down the NHS and pass private health contracts out to Tory Grandees in the usual way. A fine idea and a good way to curb excessive old age in the population, however, even Mr Cameroon has no such influence, no matter how popular the idea with the ‘influential minority’. Why, well, Mrs Thatcher sold the hospital buildings to, well, anyone really and many ended up in the hands of the Saudi Royal Family and they would need their rents on the NHS hospital buildings, so they won’t let him vacate the buildings. And, Mr Cameroon can’t stop immigration because the EU won’t let him. He has to do what big pharma, Ladbrooks, Diagio, BP, Amazon, Google, The White House, Chinese Investors, The German Chancellor, Boris, The Press, Barclays and the rest of the banks, BA, ExxonMobil, Walmart and Tesco tell him because he needs the funds and a tidy little directorship sooner or later. Poor chap, has to do what he is told. It’s the same for the rest of the buggers too. Thank god they were able to step in and save the economy!

    Bless them all. So it doesn’t matter who you vote for as it will make bugger all difference, ha! What we need is a revolution. Any ideas?

    Now the important stuff; can you drink beer?

    Catch you layer



    1. Told you, I’m selling the pitchforks and politics is not just the currently very narrow and crap major party politics. Can drink a little but have not drunk for over 3 weeks, liver thought oh thank you Duncan then got hit by the chemo cocktail. How long You been a bleedin’ man of the cloth?
      love, pitchforks r us X


  2. O so well said I can’t say more. well most of it anyway…. love the one letter didstinction – more on that when i;ve returned form legolland (it’s a square world). Picking and choosing from your themes, there is interesting stuff here:
    Riffing about simultanaeity today with you and trying to imagine exactly what the tubes and room you were in were like…. and gunter grass, a hero of a particular time,/generation maybe?

    On the hardoutside softinside crabby thing, something i read said no use talking about others’ experiences of apparently similar illnesses as different for each, each their own furrow (note how I didn’t use journey duncan, beware the panda firing and exiting). Hope this longer stretch of drip heal bitters is not too grim. xx PS what hat did you wear to match the day? In the daily meditation there’s already a blue dry scar where the malignant cells were/


    1. Jo
      checked out stuff on biocentrism, sort of ties in with my understanding of scientific research in that so much depends on the observer, therefore is mediated biologically. will have to read more to begin to get my head round it. and yes, everyone’s experience is different but what is this panda thing?
      love duncan


  3. That’s very sad, Rev Simon. The southern youth can’t see the relevance of politics and politicians? I have to say that, up here in belligerent Scotland, the youth are getting very engaged with politics since the Westminster bribery event last month. They also struggle to see the difference between Tory/Labour/Lib/Dems and so have joined more left-ish parties in droves since September 18th. The SNP in Dumfries, for example, have had to change venues for their local party meetings cos they can’t any longer fit in the local hotel and Saint Nicola (Sturgeon) has completely sold out her recently announced rabble-rousing tour – including the 12,000-seater Glasgow venue!
    Up here da yout still seem to feel that politics can help – I wonder what your young folk dan saaf will plump for instead? Hey, maybe religion!!!
    Pip Pip


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