Supposedly day of the sun but weather grey and wet. Mouth and throat getting drier and more sore, needing to drink and swallow more and use mouth moisturiser. I was told I may lose one salivary gland and it does feel drier on one side of my mouth.
Went to the pub last night to watch England play Samoa at rugby, it was pretty crowded with many watching some fairly irrelevant footie game. Had to wait awhile to be served because it was busy, I can be a little unsteady on my feet and somewhat ironically I briefly stumbled as my foot knocked into someone’s crutch. I began to feel quite vulnerable, the place was noisy and boozy and I felt very separate. Didn’t feel threatened but perhaps I was beginning to feel what it might be like for others, especially women, when they go into pubs sometimes. Found myself preparing to defend myself if necessary, not sure against what but that was what I felt.
Sat in front of TV and watched game. There were some dogs, collies, who were with a man sat near me. One of the dogs began looking at me and snarling, I began to feel scared. I was bitten by a dog last August on holiday in France. Kate suggested it had sensed my cancer, perhaps this collie also did. Even so I wanted it away from me. When scared the old fight or flight response kicks in, I rationalised that I couldn’t outrun a dog so would have to resort to either pulling it’s jaws apart or maybe front legs apart as it attacked me. The half time whistle blew and dynamics shifted slightly in the pub. There were now 3 dogs and they were all getting noisy and lively but the one still stared and growled at me. I wanted to tell the owner to get the fucker away from me, he was trying to calm the beast but seemed unaware that it was directing it’s hostility towards me. Eventually he decided to go, as he got up to leave the dog took it’s opportunity to come around the table and get close to me and the growling increased, I was now very fearful of being attacked. The dog’s owner grabbed it and pulled it away, he must have been aware that it was being hostile towards me but nothing was said. They left.
I was left shaking and then angry. Why should i have been exposed to that? I am increasingly anti-dog. Fine if people have them in their homes, take them on leads for walks and so on, but don’t let them near me. “Oh he’s just playing”, “She won’t bite” and all those other crass things dog owners say when their ‘best friend’ displays unwarranted attention. Why should I have such unwanted attention from a beast I am now extremely wary of? On average 4 people, usually young children, are killed by dogs every year. About half of all children can expect to be bitten once by a dog. This applies to all dogs, not just the dangerous breeds. Please dog owners, don’t assume the rest of us feel the same way about your pets. I’m with Cruella now.
While on the subject of unwarranted physical and other attention Tuesday sees the start of a United Nations campaign for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. There has been increasing publicity, awareness and action in recent years but there is still a long way to go. Sex education in schools is still poor, and i don’t mean the simple mechanics of the sexual act but the whole of sexual politics, history of female oppression and abuse, relationships, patriarchy, misogyny, sexism, pornography, and of course proper equality. And possibly the biggest thing to be done is sorting male ignorance.
Getting rid of the tie would be a start, I think it just screams “look at my phallus”. Also it is an inverted noose which constricts our airways to remind you that you are tied to the capitalist yoke.
- all dogs to wear ties.
Keep on keeping on, love duncan.