Like goldfish swimming in a capitalist goldfish bowl.

Interesting, well interesting to me, probably only marginally so to you dear dwindling readers, is how my writing appears to have changed. There are a number of reasons, probably the main one being the cessation of my treatment and it’s ravages upon my body and the ensuing initial result of the apparent destruction of the tumour. This removes the immediacy of my condition and now I’m undergoing the gradual, very gradual, ‘recovery’. Or, as the ‘New View’ programme has it, the creation of the ‘new normal’. So, I am no longer fuelled so much by what was happening to me and now am in this ‘no man’s land’ of shifted and shifting existence and experience.

During and just after treatment I think I was in the more immediate mode of ‘getting through’, living day to day and coping with the ravages and pain of treatment. Now it’s post-trauma time, less focus on the physical and more mental, reflection on the psychological damage and ‘reframing’ of my new existence.

This new existence also includes my retirement from teaching. Being a teacher has significantly defined me for most of my adult life and even though I was thinking about ‘retirement’ and change pre-crab it’s now been forced upon me. I still have the ongoing bureaucratic battle; interesting that I use battle (apart from my obsessive alliteration of course) having steadfastly refused to use the term in relation to the bleedin’ crabby one but have no such hesitation when writing and thinking about bureaucracy.

Also have now had over a week with no paper to read every day and this has affected me. Kate tells me to just carry on getting the paper every day, but it is part of my ‘sacrifice to current austerity’ and I’m interested in seeing how it affects me. One thing seems to be a lessening of my political anger, it’s still very much part of me but has certainly lessened in this blog. And I find reading stuff on a screen with all it’s distractions much harder.

Anyway, Suzanne Moore today writes about the ‘middle class’ and their ‘shame’ about declining living standards brought about by stagnating income and massive increases in the costs of their ‘staples’ such as private school fees, private health, dental care and the like. She thinks this ‘shame’ and their anger at this state of affairs has no obvious outlet or group to stand in solidarity with. This is compounded by the tt’s reframing what is essentially right wing or/and capitalist as ‘commonsense’ (that most dangerous of terms) but which in reality only reflects the ‘normal’ for the richest, the kleptos. It’s a new take on my and others turkey voting; not the tory voting working class but the tory voting middle class.

And then Paul Mason writes about a new ‘play’ called World Factory where the audience become the cast and are formed into teams and asked to run a Chinese clothing factory, and being presented with various ‘challenges’ with regard to the business. What shocked Mr Mason and the play’s authors was how apparently liberal london hipsters quickly turned into ruthless capitalists. I don’t feel the same shock; it actually fits with what I was writing in previous paragraphs, that explains the old saw of voters telling pollsters what they going to vote then when in the voting booth voting differently. It explains the recurring shock I and like minded folk feel every time the tt’s win an election and we can’t believe that so many turkeys vote for christmas.

But this is what happens when we are all swimming in this small-minded capitalist goldfish bowl. When the only system of existence we are presented with and live within is the ‘common sense’ one of capitalism then it’s not really surprising that liberal hipsters can quickly turn into ruthless capitalists. When all we look to to treat ourselves of any of our ills is to ‘consume’ something, to ‘buy’ something. We are all consumers in our capitalist world. And like goldfish we quickly forget. With the fat cat kleptos licking the cream outside the bowl. Time to smash the bowl.

A comment made by someone called Priscilla to my blogs recently recommended checking out the gerson ‘therapy’ for treating cancer, have you seen what they charge for treatment? But it’s the same with what I’m doing in my small way with my ‘unctions’.

Kate is finding it hard with Jaike’s very imminent leaving of these shores for Australia. But as I keep telling her she’s done her parental job with him, and what a brilliant job she’s done. He’s going off into the big wide world a better being for being Kate’s son.

Even though it often involves my consumerising of plants and other things horticultural our little garden provides Kate and me with much pleasure. Today an iris I planted 3 years ago is finally blooming, I thought it would be purple, in fact it’s a beautiful raggedy blue and as we looked at it today we saw a bumble bee, Kate told it to enjoy the fresh pollen and nectar in the iris. The plight of the bumble bee (geddit?) sadly reflects the plight of our capitalism ravaged world.

Since last October this blog’s monthly viewing figures have steadily dropped but this month has seen a small increase. Also when I checked viewings earlier there were 2: one from Spain, the other India. The titles of the blogs they read? Denuded Pudenda and Covering Tits. So that’s how I increase viewing figures!

Phew, that’s better, got my mojo back.

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan


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