On being an anxious epicurean.

Fairly unpleasant experience with my check-up yesterday. Longer than usual wait which exacerbated my crab anxiety as I’ve just dubbed it. Thinking about it afterwards with Kate my life now is generally OK as I bumble along with occasional anxiety ‘spikes’. Keeping myself occupied and not allowing any protracted wallowing (allowing, wallowing, swallowing!). But then the check-ups come around and even though I don’t, or try not to, consciously think about stuff, the day comes around and memories, thoughts, fears begin seeping through my brain. And as I’ve said and written before returning to the place where I was given the diagnosis just over a year ago acts as a trigger. I see Gordon who was on the New View programme but I can’t bring myself to go over and talk, I imagine he’s going through similar shit to me. I hide behind the Grauniad and hide from my anxieties getting lost in the written word. And we wait for an hour and three quarters. Eventually called in, a therapist quickly checks my throat/swallowing are OK, they are. She says “I didn’t hear that” when I say beer tastes better. A registrar I’ve not met before comes in with a nurse I like, it is a little unsettling having different doctors. He looks around my mouth and throat with the big metal spatula things. Then the dreaded camera down the nose, it’s down in my throat when the ‘gag reflex’ takes over and he has to take it out before having a proper look. So it has to be repeated, deep joy. Spends longer than normal looking, says it’s OK except for some swelling, probably continuing effects of the radiotherapy. But of course I start to worry, what’s the swelling about? I think that being in the aroused anxious state makes one more susceptible to any perceived threat. Also some weird defensive bollocks takes over the brain and I don’t think clearly and don’t get things clear with the medics. Kate as ever is great and reassures me that it’s all OK. We go to Waitrose and I get distracted choosing wine and other epicurean delights.

So I’ll get the camera footage for you Hector and you can add the soundtracks.

So thinking of the epicurean I made anchovy toast with boiled eggs the other day and it was delicious.

And my new team Porto stuffed moanrinho’s lot yesterday, has a certain piquancy his team being beaten by the club that he first experienced success with.

Although I was a little depressed after England’s defeat I feel a little zen-like consciousness developing and perhaps a moving on from my fervent tribalism towards the English rugby team. Not sure I actually want this to happen. It’s a little sad when I point out players to others and say “I made my Harlequeen debut against his dad”.

And it’s fascinating seeing stuff unfold and evolve with Mr Jeremy with so many of the ‘establishment’, the ‘elite’, the ‘commentariat’ and the like unable to compute what has happened and what is happening. They are visibly unable to articulate what is happening as it doesn’t fit their narrow narrative (ooh, a four letter alliteration). Last night one meme that survives in their desultory dna is that Labour have to win over tts to win the election. This is bollocks. If Mr Jeremy and co can win over young folk, previously disillusioned lefties who gave up on new labour, ukip voters, the vast majority losing out not only to the austerity bollocks but the whole globalneoliberalkleptonic bollocks and maybe even some Scots then they won’t need any tts.

And land reform, we must discuss this soon Mr Angry and send off our manifesto to the listening Mr Jeremy. ‘Fraid I agree the ‘establishment’ will be dusting off their military coup plans. Maybe that’s what the tts and the like mean when they say our security is at risk if Mr Jeremy gets power. Remember I do supply pitchforks.

Now I know Mr Jeremy wants a kinder world and is doing prime minister’s questions differently but I for one will titter a little to hear a few oinks while condom features is talking.

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.

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Happy anniversary.

What is it with companies currently? Before you’ve even finished doing any business with them, often soon after you start online,  they’re asking you to do a bleedin’ survey to give them feedback about their service. Think that I’ll start doing the surveys stating that the surveys are shit. I think we need a survey of surveys.

Intense match on Saturday and despite being upset at England losing I really have to hand it to the Welsh, even though decimated by injury they pulled off a mighty victory. I am a quarter Welsh, Jones, so I’m a bit Smith and Jones. Whilst watching the game Hector commented on the Welshness of the Welsh players names. Being the twat I am I immediately said Falateau?  Also being the eternal optimist and looking for the outrageous bet I’ll be backing England and Fiji to top the group.

As the terms of my pension mean I’m not to do any work I’ll have to develop other money making schemes that don’t involve work, bit like the kleptos. To start I’m going to turn duncansunctions into a plc, ostensibly to raise money for expansion, R&D and retain staff and then keep the money for myself. Much like mr asaria of cambian plc. Also have  begun a new betting regime today.

I had promised Kate that I’d ‘let it go’ with regard to all my years of frustration with the state of current teaching but I’m afraid I can’t resist. During my ‘goodbye’ visit to the school last week I was informed that they were undergoing an inspection. I immediately asked “what, an ofsted?” but was told it was an ‘internal’ whereby an inspector employed by cambian does a mock inspection, ostensibly to prepare for a full ofsted inspection. Something that happens in all state schools. A significant aspect of these ‘mock’ inspections that I don’t believe is properly understood by senior managers is the effect it has on classroom staff. Now I know there is all sorts of managerial justification for this and they spout emollient words to staff such as ‘just carry on as normal’, ‘we know you’re outstanding, just carry on doing what you normally do’ and the like. And yet all teachers experience excessive stress and anxiety as their work is observed and judged. All part of a dysfunctional system that has little to do with education and continues to create an arid, distorted and dispiriting environment, So sad when education could and should be so much better.

Just had a happy anniversary from WordPress so this blog is a year old today.

It is so refreshing to at last have mainstream opposition to all the tts ‘austerity’ bollocks instead of constant hammering of the poor and disenfranchised alongside pandering towards the kleptos. Yes it has been class war, perpetrated by the tts and kleptos, dressed up in weasel words and now, at last, there is some rebalancing. Lovely to watch and listen to Mr Varoufakis on Question Time last week. He confirmed that it is class war and that the government has chosen to wield it against the already dispossessed. I hope that they not only go for the easier kleptonic targets such as corporations, ceos and the like but also look at what underpins much inequality which is land ownership. Let’s park a load of caravans on the drax estate, well he did say when questioned in the hustings about the housing crisis that people could live in caravans. The drax caravan park.

Another very entertaining piece by Mr Stewart Lee about the tts, the following made me laugh out loud:

“All Conservatives’ interactions with culture of any form, from the very idea of public broadcasting itself down to a punk rock B-side, end in confusion. They are like dogs listening to human conversations, the puzzled twitching of their heads sometimes mistaken for understanding.”

Well I’m with Mr Meacher and mendacious mandelson being expelled from the party for bringing it into disrepute. I think it only fair and I think m&m will be more comfortable with the tts as he is with the rich.

And off to have the camera down my nose and throat again tomorrow and a reunion of the new view bunch on Thursday.

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.

mandelson; the sagacious twat.

john mcternan is a moron. mandelson, ‘lord’ mandelson of twatsville, is a complete twat. Who the fuck does he think he is saying the shit he spouts: “In choosing Corbyn instead of Ed Milliband, the general public now feel we are just putting two fingers up to them, exchanging one loser for an even worse one. We cannot be elected with Corbyn as leader.

“Nobody will replace him, though, until he demonstrates to the party his unelectability at the polls. In this sense, the public will decide Labour’s future and it would be wrong to try and force this issue from within before the public have moved to a clear verdict.”

I, and maybe other members of ‘the general public’ (what an arrogant term), give mandelson the finger, no apologies if this offends some as it more honestly represents what I truly feel about mandelson and his little poodle mcternan. Yes Martin, Labour are ‘2 parties’, much like all parties with all their factions but I would like to see bliar, mandelson, mcternan and their ilk join the party that more accurately represents their neoliberal bollocks.

It really is depressing reading and listening to all the jeremiahs awailing and agnashing at Mr Jeremy’s election. And even in the Grauniad and Observer, if they don’t change their tone I might cancel my recent setting up of a new deal for them both. If I continue with the deal it comes with 2 tickets each month for Vue cinemas, which is nice except our nearest Vue cinema is either Exeter or London. So anyone who fancies a couple of tickets every month just ask.

See the grinning gargoyle’s back on our screens again, spouting his ‘no-nonsense’ nonsense.

Went to the school yesterday to deliver goodbye cards and give in my keys, good to see some staff and some of the students. It was especially lovely seeing one of my old student’s face light up when they saw me. Also resigned from the National Union of Teachers, have been a member all my teaching career and it felt sad when I was talking to someone on the phone about resigning. I also heard that the kleptonic ceo of cambian has seen the light and is using his ill-gotten wealth to pay all cambian staff a fairer share for their labour and there’s a pig flying by with a penis in it’s mouth.

8 weekly check up next Tuesday, always starts the anxiety to rise. Apparently anxiety has overtaken depression as the most common mental/psychological disorder. But I’ll be distracted tomorrow night with the England Wales game, I’m getting twitchy already.

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.

An anniversary.

One year ago to the day I was given my crabby diagnosis, at this very time Kate and I were sat in shock at a Poole cafe. It was a lovely sunny day but claw shaped clouds loomed all around. I am now tumour free, but it’s five years before they give the ‘all clear’. I wouldn’t be in the place I am now were it not for Kate, she’s been the rock that crabby old me has hidden under. Now I’m getting more involved in life again and beginning to look forward to the coming years. Just booked our summer holiday for next year, even earlier than last year! Another attempt to keep everyone happy, especially for Kate to have some sun so we’re off to Rhodes, in July. And this is beginning to sound like a fucking round robin.

So I’m in the pub last night with Hector and his soccer sidekicks and moanrinho comes up. A couple say they like him using the justification of him providing pantomine. Well if that’s the best in his support it’s extremely thin. Although I think being the back end of a panto cow would be appropriate, or even the front end of a dead panto pig with his mouth open. He’s a disgrace and the sooner association footie adopts new technology like all other sports do now the sooner he can be retired to be a panto baddie.

Apropos of whinging from ‘business leaders’ and the like with the impending ‘living wage’ came across this comment from down under:

“A ‘living wage’ is old hat in Australia, having been the foundation of our industrial relations system through the Sunshine Harvester case -“In 1907, an arbitration court judge decided that wages at a Melbourne factory should be based on the cost of living for a worker and his family. From then on, Australia’s minimum wage was based on what was fair and reasonable rather than what the employer was offering.The decision was made in the Commonwealth Court of Conciliation and Arbitration, just a few years after Federation in 1901 as the laws of the new nation were being developed.”

The challenge to that has come through the doodle-yanking ‘multinational business’ model based on the discredited C18th ‘greed is good’ ‘economists’, the inheritors of which have screwed every economy they’ve been allowed to get their grubby hands on.Pity the Poms didn’t have their revolution when the French had theirs.

Justice Higgins, the judge on the case, decided that the test of a fair and reasonable wage was ‘the normal needs of the average employee regarded as a human being living in a civilized community’. He also said that the pay of the employee should not be dependent on the profits of the employer.”

Trouble is the tts and kleptos have a very skewed idea of a civilized community.

Now I know why every time I get a car and read what it’s mpg is and it never seems close.

Will have a little drink tonight to celebrate living a year since diagnosis, maybe a good bottle of red. We’ll keep the red wine flowing here.

So I’ll also have to celebrate with another Kliban (especially for Kate):

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.

Was he wearing a condom?

Beginning to settle into retirement, but only in terms of retiring from teaching, certainly not in retiring from life.

So as the rabid right wing rags ravage dear Mr Jeremy, one wonders how they’ll respond to mr ashcroft’s book about condom features. If they can drag up past behaviour by various Labour folk then doing likewise for tts is only fair. So do we want to have as our prime minister someone who as part of an initiation ceremony put his pecker in a pig’s mouth (supposedly a dead pig)? Reminds me of one of Charlie Brooker’s Dark Mirror episodes where he had a serving prime minister fuck a pig. And apparently there’s more of mr ashcroft’s revelations to come over the week, druggy dave must be disturbed. Can’t wait.

Just been listening to Prof Wolff, the New York economist and he reported how the supreme court in Seattle passed judgment that so called ‘charter schools’ were unconstitutional. Now charter schools are privately run but publicly funded through taxes. Which is pretty much what so called academies and free schools are over here.

Just had a thought: This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home, this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none and this little piggy had cameron’s prick in it’s mouth.

But back to schools, we can’t have the old unconstitutional thing because we don’t have a written constitution. And, of course, public bad, private good so it’s perfectly OK for the kleptos to appropriate public money any way they can. Could we have a simple, publicly available publication that records what public money ends up in the kleptos grubby hands alongside what they did to get it. Doesn’t even have to be anything like all the bureaucratic bollocks poor and disabled folk have to go through.

It could be like the Private Eye thing which is listing all land/property that is in the grubby hands of companies and individuals via tax havens. Much of the money that goes in rent to these kleptos comes from public funds.

My pension came wrapped in gold plate.

Like Frankie Boyle’s idea of having Bare Necessities as the national anthem. He also states that the next war will be against mother nature and trident, despite it’s name, will be useless against a tsunami. It really is time to discuss stuff like nuclear weapons and ‘foreign interventions’ in a far more mature, principled and truth based way which of course the tts and their kleptonic mates in the media won’t allow.

What a brilliant result for the Japanese, they played so well and thoroughly deserved to beat the arrogant bokke. And the all blacks, the biggest cheats in world rugby, at it again against Argentina.

So while s&m osborne is in China this country has secured pork markets and pig semen deals! And there are, and will be, numerous porcine related jokes. But I’m now feeling a little sad for the poor porkers. Pigs get too bad a press and don’t need this as well from a privileged prick.

Angry young man I am still awaiting with bated breath to hear of your stuff.

Sorry, couldn’t resist:

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Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.

The centre ground

It will soon be the anniversary of getting my diagnosis, I’ve at least almost made 1 year. So I will be cogitating over the nature of this bleedin’ blog. Also been cogitating over the nature of retirement, even though it is simply retirement from teaching. Had a retirement bash earlier in the year in the local pub but have yet to have the send off from school mentioned by various senior managers since February, the longer it takes to happen the more my memory of the place and the people wanes. Likewise their memory of me; things move on and already my old class no longer exists. A number of years ago I printed off a number of little pictures of sunflowers and stuck them in many unlikely places around the school. Made me smile for many years as a few remained in place. I’m sure I’m not alone in wondering about what sort of legacy we leave.

Wasn’t going to write today but read a piece about the tts and how they don’t want to destroy Mr Jeremy per se but the whole Labour Party. They are doing this by ‘occupying the centre ground’. As I think a little more about this concept the more ridiculous it appears. Of course it has an initial simplistic appeal, the ‘centre ground between left and right’ a simple concept exploited by mr bliar and co. What I think happens in this process is that a party or movement becomes diluted or unravels as increasing contradictions appear, look to what’s happened with new labour. I am certainly not arguing for any sort of ideological purity, of course there can be and should be change and development for example in current times with all the new technology. I, for one, look forward to condom features and s&m leading the tts into bliar style oblivion, it will unravel quicker than bliarism (they follow his model). Chirpy chirpy cheep cheep.

Off to blow me sax now.

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.

Royal bollocks.

Long to have power and dominion over us, her loyal, unquestioning subjects. And woe betide anyone who dares to actually question this way of things, for they will have the opprobrium of those conduits of balanced sense and reason heaped upon them in an orgiastic display to destroy those who do not reflect and genuflect to the rich and the powerful. Since becoming a sentient being I have never sung the national anthem, I refused to go to my degree ceremony because the queen mother was presiding (I have regretted this, but only because it denied my parents the opportunity to celebrate). I once met a man who said his job was to hang around the queen mother of an evening until she finally keeled over awash with alcohol at which point he and another man put her on a stretcher and took her to her bedchamber.

Looking forward to Mr Jeremy’s first prime minister’s questions, I did raise this prospect a number of weeks ago and it has come to pass. One hopes that over time condom features will be shown up for what he is and what he really represents.

And what many of us want is not just two parties squeezed into one, but a true plurality in our parliament that reflects and represents all of us and not just the overweening power of the likes of the kleptos.

I’d been thinking about restarting my Grauniad subscription and yesterday I was called and made an offer I couldn’t refuse and daily deliveries will resume next month. I have tried to read stuff online but have found it hard. There are too many distractions, with ‘hard copy’ it’s just you and the printed page with the occasional image which stays fixed and doesn’t constantly wink trying to grab your attention. I even find myself not even reading articles properly and trying to understand them, instead thinking I know what they’re about and scrolling down to the comments. This is madness.

Saxophone arrived yesterday. I used to have a tenor but have now got an alto, being older and weaker I reckon I’ll be more able to play a smaller instrument. Played Au Clair de Lune straight away, the neighbours banged on their walls in approval.

It is very entertaining reading and listening to all the self-important pundits trying to understand what is happening with Mr Jeremy and to listen to the new team talk with so far refreshing candour. I’m now waiting for the interviewers to understand this and amend their ways so that we can start having more grown up discussions. And the tts will be shown up for the narrow, nasty little fucks that they are.

I filled in a questionnaire yesterday for a study being done at Bristol University to try and understand various aspects of post-treatment life for those who’ve been diagnosed with a head and neck cancer. It is an area that we still know little about or how best to support us crabby types. Yet again I had an example of how this is so when I talked with a fellow crabby one at a wedding last saturday, again there was this increased animation which occurs between fellow crabby ones. Pretty obvious which way we need to go, just need conveners and facilitators and time and space and funds.

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.