Yuletide Bollocks.

Both tired after a trip up north for the funeral of Jo, Kate’s sister in law. Always so sad witnessing the bereft of others, especially Kate’s brother Ian and son Raven. Jo had sadly experienced 6 years or so of crabby bollocks, soon after her first diagnosis she changed her style of dress and primarily wore bright colours and dyed her hair, mainly pink. Ian had asked mourners to wear bright clothes in memory of Jo but such is the nature of English folk that many didn’t. Or maybe it’s not our nature but more the cultural norms we feel so beholden to. Kate wore a bright red dress, me an electric blue jumper, orange trousers and red shoes.

It was also a little weird for me as Ian lives in Withernsea, a small seaside resort on the Holderness coast in the East Riding of Yorkshire.  I spent 1997 there working in a dodgy school run by a cult called tvind. I rented an outrageously large house for 2 adults and a young child in a small village called Roos. It had a small lake and my daughter Fay did fall in wearing a red coat, just like in the film Don’t Look Now except I saved my child. And Kate and I have just been to Venice. I drove Kate around the area, as is often the case it’s not quite how you remember it being.

Driving back I had a call from Grace telling me that she’d been in a car accident whilst in a car driven by her madly unpleasant mother. Fortunately no serious injuries except for Grace having bruised ribs and maybe whiplash. Maybe she should sue her mother? Also in the car was Grace’s boyfriend who has the splendid moniker Tennyson Hercules Forbes-Sinclair. Apparently there was much amusement with the police and others taking his name at various times.

I will write my book one day about all the abusive shit the witch bitch ex-wife has caused me, Fay, Grace and others. Abuse is not the sole reserve of men towards women.

Have to copy a brilliant line from  a letter in yesterday’s Grauniad: ‘Jose in ex-chelsea is’. I’m going to sing it very loudly every time I hear this carol.

Good to see my soccer team the Foxes doing so well. I was born near Leicester, unlike most babylon united supporters who were born nowhere near Manchester.

As those who know me I am not at all religious (my favourite christmas song is Tim Minchin’s ‘Drinking white wine in the sun’, great lyrics) but after reading a piece by Jon Ronson about the online lynch mob that dominates twitter I am of a mind to use one of Jesus’ supposed sayings in a hashtag response to the twitterati:

#letthosewithoutsincastthefirstshame

Wouldn’t stop the outright unthinking wankers but might get a few to pause before keying their bile. Wonder when I might be subjected to any of the bollocks with this blog?

Drove through one of my favourite place names yesterday near Hull: Thorngumbald. They are still quite Viking up there. And isn’t The Last Kingdom great, much better than the overrated game of thrones.

And Marky B’s xmas card made me laugh: To Kate, Duncan and other hangers on.

Hope all you happy few lovely readers get what you deserve this christmas and have a jolly time. We are certainly going to make this christmas better than last year’s.

And here’s a feast of Kliban:

B. Kliban cartoons

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.

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One thought on “Yuletide Bollocks.

  1. Thanks for blog, such sad news about Ian’s Jo……though glad you and Kate are “hanging IN”! Liked your Danelaw reminiscences , Venice visit and ongoing salvos against the kleptos. Wishing you all the best for Christmas and a brilliant 2016…….Onwards! Richard X

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