A distinctly unpleasant and unsettling experience yesterday which I’m still thinking about. Went to meet my crabby chums for lunch and Eric was talking about getting onto a trial for a vaccine which might prevent the cancer recurring as it was definitely coming back. He confirmed that myself and Colin also had viral cancers and that ours would probably return. I’ve asked very little about the possibility of recurrence nor searched on the internet about this so this came as a bit of a shock. I went silent then experienced what I can only surmise was a shock reaction; I felt a massive wavelike feeling descend through my body and thought I’d collapse. I managed to ask where the toilets were, and just about managed to walk away, on the way I knocked my glasses off and keeled over as I bent to pick them up. Wasn’t a full blown falling over and managed to stand up feeling very disorientated. Walked back to table and sat quietly down. I was cold and sweaty and thought about a heart attack but there was no arm or chest pain and it was unlike my Wilfred Hyde White heart episodes (I have something called Wolff-Parkinson White syndrome).
Slowly I returned to ‘normal’, none of the others seemed to notice anything and I slowly returned to the conversation. I didn’t talk about my ‘episode’ and the food was distinctly underwhelming. After we parted I managed to blow some more money at Waitrose, return home and cook dinner. I told Kate and remained disturbed, wine helped although the recent headlines about booze increasing chances of cancer danced around my fevered brain.
Just received delivery of my first case of wine from the Wine Society.
Think I’ve been in a certain amount of denial, but it does seem to have been a reasonable coping mechanism. Still feeling a bit shaky and scared. I have an MRI scan on Monday and my next check-up is the following week, so I might brave a few questions, and my anxiety levels always rise around these times. I’ve also been affected by Bowie and more recently Alan Rickman’s deaths from cancer.
During the lunch I naively asked why none of us had surgery on the cancer, because it’s in a part of the body surrounded by lots of nerves, blood vessels, airways and makes any surgery distinctly hazardous came back the answer. Although Eric did say that he’d been told about having his tongue removed as a last option!
Anyway viewings of my blog have shot up this week, sadly not because of any interest in my writing but mainly from Monday’s title of ‘Where the fuck did Monday go?’
Well for fans of TV detection, murder and the like such as Kate and myself we are currently blessed with a plethora of programmes: Silent Witness, Endeavour, Death in Paradise, Montalbano, the Scottish noir of Shetland, and good old Midsomer Murders. Now for those of us who have a slightly guilty pleasure watching what was a distinctly ‘middle England’ Midsomer Murders change is afoot. At the rate of increase of black actors over the first two episodes of the current series only a white Barnaby will be left by the end. And in last week’s episode there wasn’t even a murder!
Spain appeals, their drink guidelines are 35 units a week. Kate gently spoke to me yesterday about how our alcohol intake has reduced significantly but maybe it could be a little more. I replied that I’d continue to reduce intake but also continue to increase quality as my joining of the Wine Society attests to.
Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.