Feels like one of my older blogs as I write about a disturbed night. My cancer was (feels a little weird and presumptuous using was) at the base of my tongue and was beginning to affect my swallowing. The radiotherapy also tried hard to damage my swallowing mechanism. Anyway, although I have few problems with swallowing now I occasionally have episodes at night, typically soon after I’ve nodded off. They involve an unpleasant feeling that I can’t swallow and are probably triggered by a dry mouth due to salivary gland destruction. I feel a great urge to swallow impelled by a feeling that bad things will happen if I can’t. I swallow with what seems like great effort, this makes my mouth even drier, sips of water give temporary relief.
These episodes of panic and dread are fuelled by some real physical ‘problems’, but also by thoughts and feelings that worm away through my brain. I’m due another check-up next week, Kate and I spoke for a while yesterday with a woman who’s undergoing treatment for breast cancer; these and other little ‘triggers’ come out to play at night.
And fear generally seems to be stalking the land. The ‘brexiters’ keep banging on about the ‘bremainers’ ‘project fear’, seemingly unable to see how they do just that. zac goldsmith, the tt’s London mayoral candidate (eton educated, son of an extremely rich jammy goldsmith) employs blatant fear tactics to demonise Sadiq Khan the Labour candidate. Even tt folk such as Shazia Awan, a conservative parliamentary candidate, call the tactics a ‘disgrace’ and the idea that we’re ‘one nation’ and ‘in this together’ totally at odds with leaflets that promote ‘divide and rule’.
But we’re not really surprised at this behaviour, standard tactics for the powerful to retain their power and wealth. Whenever they feel threatened, as goldsmith is by Khan, they soon resort to type, the thin veneer of civility is easily stripped away. And he is extremely questionable: he is under investigation by the parliamentary standards commission for dodgy donations (how often do these kleptos never use their own money?), he claimed non-dom status for many years, uses tax havens and was recently forced to resign from a disability charity after voting to cut disability benefits.
And the kleptos venality and greed continue. The EU attempted to curtail the kleptomania of bankers, especially brit bankers, by putting a cap on bonuses. So last year there was a massive increase in wankers salaries, but only in this country. In all other EU countries there was little change in salaries,the numbers even fell in Germany, but here in dear old blighty the kleptomania carries on unchecked. Oh how we’re all in this together.
Wish drumf had been aborted.
And the strolling bones banging on about being the first major wesTern rock band to play in Cuba. The Manic Street Preachers played there in 2001, but no need to get facts in the way of a good story.
keep on keeping on, love Duncan.