It’s no yolk.

Of course you punners out there are expecting some play on a yolk joke, but no, for the first time I boiled an egg and when I cut it in half for the salad nicoise it was totally white; no yolk, no joke. Just like the grinning gargoyle, he of the all-white ucrappers, actually enough, grinning is too generous and personable he’s deeply unpleasant and has absolutely no association with humour. Just like this whole brexit bollocks, it is and they are profoundly lacking in humour and as the whole charade continues to unravel their childish petulance will continue to grow and morph into more openly fascist behaviour. Just listen to the nasty little shit talking about the horrific events in Berlin, and he’s given the oxygen of publicity, just like drumf he’s given a really unhealthy amount of uncritical media attention. And he has a go in his typically boorish and cowardly way at Brendan Cox, who’s wife has been murdered by a right wing terrorist which has barely been called such by much of our oh so liberal media, least of all by the fuck who has done so much to coarsen and traduce our politics, and the thought of the little shit being an ambassador, all be it only in his little shit mind, merely demonstrates the depths our world is descending to.


And watching ‘My Mother and Other Strangers’ a character says “keep on keeping on”.

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.


Extreme Unction.

Feeling quite tired as the Duncan’s Unctions roadshow has been travelling around quite a bit lately and the CEO still hasn’t fully recovered his BC fitness and energy. The old battered throat takes the brunt as I have to speak to every potential customer to convince them how much my unction will improve their lives. Anyway, I’m beginning to be an expert about skin, maybe I’ll do some more research in the new year. What I’m not becoming is an expert salesman; I’ve too much care in the community and not enough kleptonic sociopathy. Just two more Christmas fairs in Salisbury and Bridport to travel to then a few days in the cosy beach hut on Swanage seafront in my ‘pop up’ shop.

Now, last year (how can you have now followed by last year you twat) I was asking you lovely folk for help in deciding on a name for my creamy ointment. One good friend with much marketing expertise suggested I couldn’t use my very male name, I needed a feminine one. Being someone who has a very stubborn, some say bullish, streak, alongside a fair dose of vanity this suggestion sealed the fate of the name and Duncan’s Unctions was born. I feel somewhat vindicated as it’s brought a smile to many people’s faces as they read my banner, OK many more shake their heads saying “what’s an unction?” or in the brexitian spirit hurl English insults. One bloke asked as he passed “is it extreme unction?”, I immediately responded with “yes, it’s extremely good”, but something in the way he said it made me think so I looked up extreme unction and it is:

in the Roman Catholic Church, a former name for the sacrament of anointing of the sick, especially when administered to the dying.

How many people would I upset if I started dressing as a cardinal when at my stall?

And as ever in my life I’d be doing something which just mainly causes bemusement.

Anyway, looks like I’ve made it to another Christmas, which I am really looking forward to with just the right amount of friends and family get togethers and – enough of this shit Duncan, sounds like a bleedin’ round robin. Now where did that term come from? And as I look it up I’m reminded that it’s a sporting term where all the competitors in one group play each other and also: ‘a petition, especially one with signatures written in a circle to conceal the order of writing.’ 

And next month I’m giving a presentation in Bridport to a cancer support group about my unction, maybe I’ll dress as a cardinal?

And also next year we’re having a mid-year do to celebrate a bunch of us making 60, we’ll be in a pub in Shropshire for the weekend (anyone who knows me and the likes of the Chelsea College Crew from the mid 70’s who is of good partying spirit contact us for details). Just had an email from the Oysterband, they can’t make the Saturday but they can the Friday, which isn’t ideal but I’m still tempted and it would make a hole in the Unctions expenses account.

And very moved last week  with a card from Tricia, Mallarkey’s mum, who wrote about how she fondly remembers dancing with me at Mark and Gillian’s wedding and that was her last dance. One to ponder, eh?

Off to do my Qi Gong.

"Father, don't offend me. I don't need the extreme unction."

Keep on keeping on, Love Duncan.

Meritocracy versus lottocracy.

Now I know binary choices are very much in vogue; from the underpinning binary code of computers to in or out referendums and the American farce, but it’s my blog so I’ll have a binary if I want to. Listening to Mr Sandel on the radio yesterday whilst driving to old Sarum yesterday to flog my wares at market, as many have done for millenia, the binary of the title was discussed and caused me to think anew. I’d not heard of the term ‘lottocracy’ until yesterday, it’s simply the choosing by lottery of such as politicians.

Meritocracy posits that leaders and other ‘successful’ folk achieve their positions through intelligence and hard work (drumf immediately proves this fallacious). Michael Young wrote a book a year after my birth scorning the idea of meritocracy suggesting that: “merit is equated with intelligence-plus-effort, its possessors are identified at an early age and selected for appropriate intensive education, and there is an obsession with quantification, test-scoring, and qualifications.” We can certainly see how the relatively recent rise of the meritocrats has resulted in a very unhealthy obsession with scoring, testing and quantifying throughout society, just look at the way all educational establishments now operate. What it has also done is give the successful ones a dangerous sense of self-worth, that they deserve their status and obscene wealth, and obversely that the rest, the poor plebs, also deserve their little lot in life.

We now have in this country an extremely unhealthy marriage of this quasi-meritocracy and our deeply embedded class system, the evidence is all around as ineptitude in senior management and government leads to poor services, think southern rail, poor government, think the imposition of an ill-thought through EU referendum, at a more local level the poor management decisions at my old school that have led to chaos and interim management who are returning to the previous system of working and the appalling industrial relations within Duncan’s Unctions.

So how could having a lottery be any better (how could it be any worse, the current system has the fucking grinning gargoyle’s ugly mug too often on our screens)? Sam Harris, an interesting Yank philosopher, stated that a random choice of any person would be better than drumf. But there is a long history of using lotteries for elections:

As this piece begins:

“It is accepted as democratic when public offices are allocated by lot, and as oligarchic when they are filled by election.”

Aristotle (Politics IV. 9, 1294b8)

Anyway, I’m going to explore this a little more and suggest that we introduce it to local elections in Swanage as the tt hegemony which has been in place for many generations is somewhat ossified.

Time for a Kliban:


Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.


Brain salad psychic surgery.

One of my favourite albums for a while was Pictures at an Exhibition, pomp rock meets classical at it’s grandiose best. And another one bites the dust as Greg Lake joins his old mate Keith Emerson. Pretty good supergroup would have included just some of those who’ve died this year apart from Lake and Emerson: Bowie, Prince, Leon Russell, Leonard, Dave Swarbrick, Glenn Frey, Andy Newman and Dale Griffin (need a drummer). Probably my age, and of my peers, but there seem to have been an awful lot of folk dying this year. And I’m cogitating over whether to watch the grinning gargoyle and his ugly mush on Question Time tonight, to think that some of our licence fee goes to this deeply unpleasant shyster.

Anyway, had a lovely day in Bath today with my lovely daughter Grace, the Christmas Market was very impressive, maybe have Duncan’s Unctions there next year?

And the confession on Monday’s drivetime with Simon Mayo on radio 2, go on to BBC iplayer and go in 40 minutes and listen to a very funny Christmas story from a Dumfries woman called Gillian.

And my Christmas song for this year a cheery ditty by Martin Creed called It’s You play it and it will keep playing in your head.

And what to make of ‘psychic surgery’ eh? At a psychic and spiritual fair the other week I watched a ‘psychic surgeon’ ‘operate’ on a number of people laid on her couch. She would slowly bring her hands to the ‘patients’ heads, hold them near and with an intense look on her face slowly pull them away, move them towards the floor and shake her hands as if ridding stuff on them. I asked her if she was going to clear it up as people would be walking through it.

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.

Amoebas and kleptogreen.

At a party the other night I got talking to an interesting old buffer, bit like me ‘cept for the interesting part, and his main hobby is microscopy. He told me something that has since boggled my little mind: that amoeba build houses for themselves out of sand. Now these little critters are supposedly ‘simple’ single-celled beasties and yet here they are building bleedin’ houses. They collect grains of sand with their pseudopodia and then stick them together to make things like this:


Now I have some scientific understanding but am boggled by the origins and other aspects of this phenomenon. Like which amoebae first had the idea of making a house, how did the ‘idea’ actually formulate in the wee beastie, how did they know or develop a way to glue the bits of sand together, how come they have the spatial awareness to put it together, which amoeba have started poncing off the others as landlords and estate agents ad infin bleedinitum. Of course some take the simple shortcut and put it down to the omniscient bearded white bloke. Others evolution, which is a neat theory in general terms but it doesn’t answer my boggled brain.

I mean, a supposedly simple, single-celled animal building a house. Puts the humble amoeba way above the bastards that exploit folk through such a basic need as housing.


What’s the difference between drumf and an amoeba?

An amoeba is way smarter as it builds it’s own house and doesn’t exploit others.

And why don’t we just sequester kleptogreen’s money and property, which he’s effectively stolen from BHS and it’s workers, and divvy it up amongst the workers?

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.

#what does farage do for his MEP pay?

As I’ve mentioned a few times in this here bleedin’ blog I have great difficulty understanding the dissonance that is ukip meps. I am also cognisant that the grinning gargoyle seems to be in so many places doing things other than representing his constituents in his constituency in Europe. Is there something fraudulent going on here? Is there any accountability for all the money this rich, privileged member of the elite is getting from taxpayer funds?

I have a relatively simple view; that we should aspire to social and economic fairness. Sadly these seem to be disappearing into the jammy swamp.

Well, the Mild Bunch (thanks Uncle Barry) narrowly failed in their bid to win a quiz last night, pipped at the post through ignorance of popular Christmas culture. But my disappointment is tempered today by the Austrian vote, the idea of a far right Austrian president is historically worrying.

So the dodgy company that has the tag ‘don’t be evil’ seems to be just that. On reading an article by Carole Cadwallader she highlights how their current search algorithm, which predicts potential words and terms as you type a question, predicts that when you type in “are jews” top of the list is “are jews evil”. I tried it and it came up just typing in “are je”. I’m afraid these extremely powerful tech conglomerates, often run by alarmingly few young white men, are distorting, or disrupting to use the current parlance, our perception of the world. To know that by simply typing in “are jews” leads very quickly to very nasty nazi sites, that typing “are muslims” produces similar results and typing “hitler” gives sites proclaiming him a “good guy”. All very disturbing and needing a reclamation of the internet’s founding father’s visions (they were all men I believe) such as Berners Lee : “The original idea of the web was that it should be a collaborative space where you can communicate through sharing information.” Not a propaganda mouthpiece for nazi fucks. Whose side are you on Zuckerberg, Page, Brin, Thiel and others?

Shame, man utd drew again, they really are so unlucky. And the England Association Rugby Football team looking good, but let’s not succumb to hubris.


Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.


Perhaps we can really change things.

As we approach the end of a very weird year and discombobulation abounds, with anger and fear stalking the land. A tt born of jammy goldsmith senior gets unseated in prosperous Richmond, probably by an alliance as the Greens and the Women’s Equality Party didn’t field candidates and I suspect many Labour voters joined them despite a rigid party line. The ucrappers didn’t field a candidate to bolster jammy junior’s vote, (I still fail to fully understand why so many senior ucrappers are MEPs?). Now I’m sure that we might see a reversal of this in brexit voting areas and Labour struggling to hold on to their votes, but we live in strange times and who really knows? There’s another interesting by-election looming in Sleaford (up the Mods) with another tt resigning; he voted for brexit but resigned as he was unhappy with the unelected may government not respecting the sovereignty of parliament in debating and deciding on brexit’s course and also: “the continued shirking of our responsibility for unaccompanied child refugees who have been forced to flee war and conflict;“ and, “the way in which international aid is now apparently to be used other than to assist some of the world’s poorest and most vulnerable people.” In my humble opinion we need another ‘progressive alliance’ and for the Liberals, Greens and others to support the Labour candidate, and if they win a more fulsome debate and consideration of a coalition of the willing who want a better world for all.

After yesterday’s Richmond result I doubt the unelected may will want an early election so there is probably time. Labour really need to think carefully about why so many of their taken for granted by the ‘westminster elite’ supporters voted for brexit. One useful avenue to explore is a more nuanced debate about the pervading sense of loss and powerlessness which is so effectively exploited by the tts and ucrappers and their racist scapegoating of immigrants. As more folk are dragged into the jammy life with pay stagnating, even reducing, the social contract falling apart, local amenities being cut and closed we really do need to take the debate to a very local, not parochial, level. So many were enervated by having a referendum vote to give the ‘elites’ a good kicking, they now smell blood and a dangerous mood released. Again on Question Time last night we witnessed mainly white men expressing great anger at Laurie Penny, someone I really like, for expressing views they unthinkingly reject, she tried to engage them directly but they just got angrier. To counter this is probably best done at a local level as national debates and certainly the ever narrowing online monocourses on faceache and the like are simply entrenching beliefs.

So off you go Swanage town council, time for you lot to really think about how you can properly represent and do your bit for the people you represent. Or maybe people just do it themselves.

And underlying this jammy situation the neoliberal kleptos about whom I’m learning more as I read ‘The Internet is not the Answer’, by one Andrew Keen, very good and enlightening read it is. We think the old boss was bad at the head of his, invariably it is a white man, conglomerate; the new bosses like thiel, bezos and the asocial zuckerberg are the ones really hoovering up the world’s money. At least the old bosses headed companies that employed large numbers of workers, these new tech companies employ so few and steal so much and increasingly the only social interface is between an individual and their little screen. The concept of social media is becoming increasingly antisocial, mirroring the narcissistic likes of the asocial thiel and zuckerberg and really facilitating the likes of drumf (I’m trying so hard not to mention him ever again, if we all totally ignore him there is the distinct possibility he’d just implode at the growing awareness that everyone is just ignoring him).

So, get on faceache and the like and create real social gatherings, with real face to face interaction, not this bollocks ‘facetime’ and the like.

I’m off to buy my first 3-D printer and enter 3.0 world and disrupt things even more to allow myself to join the ever smaller band of kleptos.

Steve Bell 04.12.12

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan