The only helmet I wear when cycling is on my penis.

There’s a different mood suffusing my brain and body and it’s probably down to having a few needles stuck in various parts of my body. I’ve been having a few acupuncture sessions with one Alan Hext, one of the country’s leading needle stickers, and have been pleasantly surprised at it’s efficacy. Alan has coped well with my incoherent ramblings as to why I’ve gone to him, he’s expertly picked out a few salient points and then used his points. For example a few days after a session I and poor Kate noted my increased snappiness and short temper, I told Alan this in one of my more coherent moments and with some judicial sticking he said I’d feel more mellow, I did and it continued and I like it.

I recommend acupuncture at every unctuous talk I now give to crabby support groups; I particularly recommended it to a poor gentleman at About Face (a head and neck cancer charity in Poole) this week, he is very angry about what he considers some very shoddy treatment he received. He doesn’t want any compensation, a rare thing in our current money grubbing times, just acknowledgment and an apology, another rare thing in these grubby times.

I am increasingly of the opinion that we are a grubby species us homo sapiens, a grave misnomer as sapiens means wise. Got this info from a brilliant book I’m reading called Sapiens A Brief History of Humankind by one Yuval Noah Harari. One of his theories is that us homo sapiens came to dominate other homo species as well as all other species on Earth because we can imagine, create fiction and thus create myths. With these common myths, such as nationhood, we act together to impose our domination. As Harari states: “There are no gods in the universe, no nations, no money, no human rights, no laws and no justice outside the common imagination of human beings”. Brexit is but a figment of a fevered bunch of cults.

And our ability to create fictions whilst giving us a means of making some sort of sense of the world also leads us into judgmental dangers and the world is currently hurtling towards a very dangerous era with some cults blaming other cults for societal ills, think ukip here and drumf there. My poor uncle in Manhattan feels he’s living in a different country.

And people are apparently quick to anger at cyclists who don’t wear helmets, like me. And before any readers and drivers of motor vehicles get angry with me just pause a while before making judgment. The reason most wear cycle helmets is because of the dangers imposed by motor vehicles, limited cycle-centred roads and the poor state of roads. Drivers of motor vehicles cocooned in their giant ‘cycle helmets’ often get angry at cyclists, lots of cyclists are killed and maimed by motor vehicles and helmets provide very limited protection. In Holland any collision between a motor vehicle and bicycle is considered the motor vehicle drivers fault, cyclist fatalities and injury are far lower in Holland as is the wearing of helmets. There is evidence that wearing a helmet increases the incidence of neck injuries. Imposition of legislation requiring helmet wearing is not matched by a decrease in head injuries. Wearing helmets gives rise to something called ‘risk compensation’ whereby the wearer feels ‘safer’ so takes more ‘risks’ and the accident rates remain the same. Studies have shown that motor vehicle drivers pass cyclists wearing helmets significantly closer. So it is paradoxically the case that less protection leads to greater safety. Naked cycling anyone?

Reminds me of the time I was sat on the back of Martin’s Honda Goldwing in the south of France going very fast wearing only shorts and sunglasses, it was painful with all the insects smacking into my bare skin.

And now donald drumf junior is tweeting bollocks, having a go at London’s mayor Sadiq Khan after yesterday’s atrocity. How much longer does the world have to put up with all this trumpian shit, come on congressional republicans get your shit together and impeach the whole lot of ’em. It’s not like you haven’t got much to go on.


Keep on cycling on, love Duncan.


2 thoughts on “The only helmet I wear when cycling is on my penis.

  1. This is very interesting. Especially the ‘risk compensation’ point. It reinforces my long held belief that ALL regulation has the equal and opposite effect to that which it overtly purports to achieve. Good work my friend. One day soon we will win these arguments.


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