I am not a tory twat because I believe in fairness.

I think it’s hard to fully appreciate and understand relative mental states and well-being. This probably applies to understanding others as well as oneself. Lately I have been even more reflective about my mental states and wonder how much and in what ways they have been affected by the crabby one, my treatment and my existence in my social milieu. For example, yesterday I received an email from someone I trust about using my unction, it was the first feedback that was not positive (it wasn’t negative either). I felt immediately deflated. Now I think would I have reacted the same way a year ago, am I more sensitive now? Actually sensitive has multiple meanings in that I could be more likely to be upset, or that I am more aware of myself, of others and of the interplay between us humans. I cry far more easily, in BC times I would have simply raged at last week’s result and directed my anger at tory twats but last Friday I played Springsteen at full volume (my ears were in pain) with tears streaming down my face. The trigger may well have been the election result but my underlying crabby state has unleashed a changed emotional state.

It is also the case that I know I look ‘healthy’ (despite my stupid hair) yet also know that ‘underneath’ I am not yet healthy. People say “you look so well” and I say “thankyou, but I still have this or feel that” and they look nonplussed and I feel guilty for being honest and have to try and explain to them the complexity of emotions and ongoing bodily changes and both of us wish I’d just said “thankyou”. And yet this superficial social discourse leaves me even more discombobulated than ever, it was an aspect that was so well articulated in ‘The C-Word’ drama.

So when I met a former teacher colleague the other day they said how they were met at work last Friday with the comment: “we can buy our house now”. Now I know this is just one comment but my reaction, like my teacher friend, was one of despair at how easily people are ‘bought off’. Then, as Lionel Shriver so eloquently argues about lefties shaming tory twat (tt) voters and that having some sort of ‘holier than though’ attitude makes me feel guilty in my judgmentalness. Except, and I’m going out on a limb for a change here, I think lefties like me do guilt more than tts. It’s what fires us up, it comes down simply to fairness and yet, even when we judge others, even tts, we feel guilty.

Anyway, I think I might have found out a reason for last week’s election result: there has been a significant increase in myopia. This might explain people voting for tts because they can then buy their housing association property and not see ahead as to why this will make it even more difficult for their children to have decent and affordable housing.

There is though much cogitation about where us lefties and others might go now the tts are in power again. The dark lord mandelson tries to lead Labour back to the blairite bollocks, beware chuka and others who will continue the corrupted ‘top down’ approach. We need to work together, from where we are within our local communities because the already large gaps caused by the tts will only get bigger.

Brilliant short letter about recalibrating car ‘eco rating’: petrol or diesel cars, 0-1; gas cars, 2; hybrids, 3-4; all-electric 5-6; public transport, 7; electric public transport, 8-9; foot or bike, 10. Off on my bike now, smug, lefty twat that I am.

       

Keep on keeping on, love Duncan.